“I forbid you”: how overprotection spoils the lives of children – scientists have found out. BEAUTYHACK

We already know a lot about how overprotection affects the mental state of the child. Psychologists talk about it, films are made about it: Pretense, Locked Up, Black Swan, My Son for Me. But now scientists have proven that over-control of children’s lives also affects their physical health. And definitely not positive.

Researchers at the University of San Carlos in Brazil and University College London found that this kind of overprotectiveness creates dangerous conditions that lead to an increased risk of death over time. They analyzed questionnaires from almost 950 participants in an aging experiment who were born in the 1950s and 1960s and died between 2007 and 2018. The data included health problems in childhood, adolescence and adulthood, family structure, home conditions, occupation parents. The participants also spoke in detail about their relationship with their father and mother. Scientists have noticed that men who had a father who did not allow independence were 12% more likely to die before their 80th birthday. In women who were also overprotected by dad, the risk of death before the age of 80 increases by 22%. Such children are more likely to use alcohol and drugs, smoke, lead a sedentary lifestyle, do not care about health, associate with bad companies, experience stress and depression.

“Children need care and support, gentle guidance and nudges, not orders and prohibitions that deprive them of the ability to decide something personally. Such toxic relationships lead to the fact that the child is afraid to communicate with those closest to him. As a result, there are various problems in communicating with other people, unhealthy habits, hiding dissatisfaction, eating or drinking stress, mental disorders,” explained Aline Fernanda de Souza Canelada, lead author of the study.

Another risk is living in a family with only one parent. In men who spent their childhood in such conditions (most often the mother was involved in the upbringing in the post-war generation), the risk of dying earlier was 179%. However, experts remind, a long quiet life for children who grew up in a complete family will only be if the parents are happy in marriage. If they constantly quarrel, are silent for weeks, make caustic comments, cheat on each other and know about it, then such a situation is no better for the child. And in the future, it can affect not only health, but also relationships with the other sex. A situation where a couple regularly swears and fights will be perceived as the norm. So if the choice is between “Raising alone” and “Raising with a partner who makes life hell”, it is better to choose the first option. In addition, scientists remind, the conditions have changed, now women have much more rights and opportunities. Back then, the absence of a parent meant severe socioeconomic hardship, as well as less emotional support during childhood or adolescence.

As for the overprotective mothers, here the researchers are still studying the results. And they are advised to take sufficient care, but not to go beyond. In women with a caring mother, the risk of early death is reduced by 14%. But in this case, we mean not control, but support.

There are many other experiments proving that the children of helicopter mothers (as they are called because they seem to constantly hover over the children, controlling their actions) cope worse with the problems of growing up, cannot control their emotions, and find friends with difficulty at school and often conflict with peers. In adulthood, they hardly show initiative, are more led, relieve themselves of responsibility for their lives. In addition, many of them prefer to live with their parents, rather than start a family and move out to a separate apartment.

“I forbid you to communicate with this boy”, “You must give birth to my grandchildren”, “Come back before 9 pm, otherwise my pressure will rise again”, “It’s still small to choose what to wear”, “While you live in my house, I I will decide what you eat and do”, “I know better where you should go”… Scientists and doctors advise to abandon these phrases forever if your child’s happiness is really important to you.

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